I really can't bring myself to write anything this morning. Something just feels really off. Maybe later.

We've given the President the last couple days off since he's preparing for his grilling with the 9/11 Commission.

Right now I'm listening to Dylan's "Masters of War" and dedicating to our President. "With God On Our Side" can't be too far away...that song chills me.

Speaking of politics, this morning on the way to work I saw Gwen Howard, one of those running for a local office, standing on an overhead walking bridge (they put those over busy roads in a few places here) and waving at passersby. People probably could have looked up her skirt but that's tough to do at 40mph, not to mention it's sort of tacky to do that sort of thing anyway. I actually have a ton of respect for her. I've researched that particular election and support her campaign. Whereas the other guys running are coming out of the financial world and probably don't have a whole lot of relation to many or most of their prospective constituents, at least those below upper-middle class (which is a very significant portion), Ms. Howard has displayed an ability to work with various ethnicities and types of folks in her career with the Nebraska Department of Health & Human Services.

While we're on it...if you're near Omaha, drop by the UNO Student Center on Sunday afternoon for the Peace & Justice Expo. Some great stuff going on there. Check out the Progressive Omaha website for further detail.

In other news, my car's wheels have been squealing a bit for a while now. I found out it's something done by an indicator to let me know it's getting near time to replace my brake pads. Could be worse, I suppose. Something my dad told me when I was very young and repeated both as I watched it happen in my family and then in my own young adult life...he told me that you work hard, try to spend wisely, do the best you can, and it seems that just when you start to get a little saved and get caught up on bills, something comes along to mess it all up and get you behind again. I've found that definitely true in my life, though a few of my own stupid decisions (and those of others who have affected my circumstances) definitely enhanced the situation. I guess it's true what Blake said about the best-laid plans of mice and men. Stacey just had to spend a bunch of money to get her car fixed, as well.

Be sure to check out some of the 9/11 Commission news after it all goes down today. We'll be back with DPBs tomorrow.

Just over a week left of classes and the train is careening, tottering, wondering if track, engine, and wheels will all hold for just a few more miles. What's terrible is that my time is running out to register for classes next fall. Sure, I'll have my Bachelor's degree by the end of next week, but loftier goals await. I mean, being a secretary isn't terrible but it's also not really my long-term mission.

For my Culture of the 60's class I'm doing an analyzation on the different approaches taken by two different kinds of press (official -- like daily newspapers, according to the theorists we have to go by for the assignment -- and popular press, which would be your magazines and that sort of thing). Right now I'm looking at working with two different interviews of Bob Dylan I found: one by the Chicago Daily News, in Nov. '65, and one by Playboy in January '66. The work won't be particularly easy, considering Dylan viewed interviews at that time as a way to say terribly funny things and make crazy statements that weren't necessarily really where he was at. He started becoming fairly contradictory at this point, as well. Here are links to the two interviews, in case you care:
http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-nov26.htm
http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm

As always, I crave your comments. What they give me isn't so much validation as much as a sense of having some sort of actual communication with people who enjoy reading my occasional ramblings.

Nothing much new to report except that I desperately need a break.

Today's DPB:
Mr. President,
We regret to inform you that Ground Control is no longer able to maintain contact with Major Tom. In fact, the two have refused to speak to each other. As per your request, the Rev. Jesse Jackson will not be contacted to help resolve this issue.

I really do enjoy reading your comments. Feel free to share them.

Not much to update today. It's been a busy week and my mind is very tired. I'm not sure how I'm going to get in two Astronomy Lab assignments over the weekend.


Today's DPB:
Mr. President,
We believe that it is not in your best interest to hold your next press conference on the Oprah Winfrey Show. No doubt Ms. Winfrey would appreciate your interest; however, the set-up of the studio is not conducive to the security needed to properly escort the President of the United States.

Thanks for reading my self-gratifying rambles.
Yesterday turned out to be pretty busy so my boss did the Secretaries' Day stuff for me today. She brought in a white chocolate raspberry cake or something from Wild Oats and gave me a gift certificate to Wild Oats inside a crazy-looking card with a lizard on it. Yesterday for lunch I went outside and listened to the second half of the poetry reading put on for National Poetry Month. I heard some great new stuff and, of course, the obligatory reading of "The Raven." Late yesterday afternoon my Culture of the 60's professor emailed me and asked to do a presentation on the beat poets for class tonight so I ended up getting all that together last night. I hope to one day teach on all this in the classroom someday so I'm very grateful for the opportunity and should have quite a bit of fun. I hate public speaking but I enjoy sharing and teaching. While preparing I realized both how many books in that realm I already have but also how many more I would love to have. Jeff let me borrow a few that I plan to eventually purchase and add to my collection. I owe quite a bit to Dr. Michael Skau's amazing "Beats & Hippies" literature class and can't really discuss any of this without mentioning how influential his teaching has been on me, both in learning material and in learning how to write about it. I still have so far to go but can honestly say I've come a long way in the past year and a half thanks to Drs. Skau, Latchaw, Maher and others. Anyway, thanks to all of you for reading these brief blurbs. I'm hoping for something more creative once summer opens up a few evenings a week for work on more substantial posts.

Today's DPB:
Mr. President:
We appreciate your "take-charge," "can-do" attitude but your staff exists for a reason. Certain situations are best left to those more properly trained and capable of performing those tasks. Your position as President of the United States requires you to be at full capacity at all times and as a result, we feel it is in your best interest to leave trivial details and responsibilities to better equipped staff members. No one could have foreseen the stapler tragedy of 4/11 but our investigation reveals that your injuries would have been avoided had you contacted one of your staff member, some of whom were on duty just a room or two away. Thank you for your future cooperation in this matter and others of similar nature.

Welcome to "Administrative Professionals Day."
It used to be known as "Secretaries Day" but the business and corporate world likes to come up with elevated names in an attempt to...actually, I'm not sure what this change was all about.
What I do know is that I am a secretary and yes, a man.
This isn't about gender role identity and breaking down stereotypes and walls. This isn't about wanting to be something whether or not it's associated with men or women. Make no mistake, this is about putting food on the table and paying rent. While people want to call it "Administrative Professional," let's be criminally vulgar here for a moment (please forgive me if this offends you, but this is pretty accurate and relatively tame) and call the positions what they are: Office Bitch.
Let's continue to be honest here and say that this "holiday" has turned into a time where people feel obligated to do something for fear of being thought of as a bad boss. I'm not saying ALL bosses are like this, but many are. I've had great bosses, good bosses who just weren't aware of and/or willing to change their own difficulties, and bosses who were flat out lousy (and no, my current boss isn't the latter). One year a not-so-bad boss got me roses. Don't get me wrong, I like plants and flowers, but roses? The next year he took me out to a lunch of my own choosing, a great mostly vegetarian place and we had a really great time.
Today there's a big lunch here at work on which "appreciation" is shown. I didn't RSVP because at this point a quiet uninterrupted lunch is a bit of an anomaly and I'd really love to have one today. My lunch hour is based around everyone else's schedule, even the underlings'. I can deal with this, that's how it goes in some offices and I'm very happy with the time my lunch usually gets to be, so I don't really get bugged by that. However, three times in the last week and a half my lunch has been preempted, rescheduled, and otherwise messed with, never with any prior discussion of it.
I realize this is part of what makes me wierd and not fit in with much of the populace at most jobs or much of anywhere else, but my attitude is that appreciation isn't a one day thing -- it's an attitude displayed year-round. Special days are great and I have little problem buying something nice for my sweetheart on St. Valentine's Day, but it doesn't mean a thing if I don't treat her well on the crazy stressful days, the mundane days where one or both of us feels restless or grumpy, the days where being nice to anyone is a difficulty...not just holidays, birthdays, etc. I'm not trying to be a jerk or unnecessarily difficult. My intention here isn't to complain. However, it's in my nature to point out contradiction and discrepancies between words, attitudes and actions. Administrative Professionals Day is a perfect example.

Today's DPB:
Mr. President,
Thank you for the the lovely flowers and chocolates.
Secretary Rumsfeld in particular found the roses quite lovely.
From your secretaries with love and squalor.

Part II

*Stacey's cat Flannery is very popular amongst the children in my neighborhood. She came and stayed with me a couple weeks ago (as documented here) and the kids just love her. I call them her "Flan Club."

*I actually feel terrible for the Montreal Expos. Unfortunate situation that hopefully will be rectified soon.

*My house looks like a morgue for tiny marshmallow pals. My mother sends me Peeps stuff for every holiday and I never get around to eating them. I like them and enjoy a Peeps s'more quite a bit but opening a package commits me to eating 4 of them within a pretty close period of time and I just don't want to hold myself to something so significant.

*Vapidity is one of the ugliest things I think I could encounter in a person. I do daily.

*I'm doing much better on not eating snacks late at night. I crave them whether I'm hungry or not.

*The new From Bubblegum To Sky record should be out now. I'm way too tired to go into a sweet description but go to www.eeniemeenie.com or hit up your favorite p2p, give some listen, then go pick it up.

*In an interview about Bob Woodward's new book, Colin Powell said "impose their policy wishes on my body." Best dirty non-dirty line in quite some time.

Today's DPB:
Mr. President:
The lunatic is on the grass.

Part 1

As is often the case in offices, we have a small set of keys that stay hidden so as to keep people out of my desk drawers. They were missing when I arrived this morning. As is my style, I immediately blamed myself and wondered if I'd accidentally taken them home the night before. I was 99% sure I hadn't, however, because I hate having anything extra in my pants pockets than necessary and because things had been moved around on my desk a bit. After making a couple phone calls, driving back to my house and checking just to make sure, and freaking out a good bit, I got a call back from my boss. I figured she'd be pretty upset about the whole thing and I'd hated the idea of disturbing her at home...but she informed me that the night before she'd come back in (she stays late to work on things sometimes) and a couple students had dug around, found the keys (I just moved the hiding place 2 weeks ago, too!) and pulled out a bunch of paper to use for their own homework. She informed them of their impropriety, then hid the keys in the filter section of the little coffee pot I keep on my desk...then left me a note to let me know about it...stuck onto my monitor. The note somehow mysteriously disappeared (though she said "yes" when I asked her if those students were still here when she left the note) and so began the little mystery.

*****

In other news, a senator from right here in Nebraska, Chuck Hagel, has come out publically in support of a draft. Right now two bills that would institute the draft are sitting before Congress.
From all I can tell, the cut-off age is 26, thus making me ineligible (well, that and my flat feet, poor eyesight, and so on), thank God.

"April is the cruellest month." -- TS Eliot

I finally went to the "gym" to work out today. As a non-athlete now into my mid-late twenties, I'm seeing more and more clearly the need for some sort of exercise regimen to maintain health and get into better shape. One of the beautiful things about the twenties is that somewhere in the middle a person's metabolism begins taking random plunges. I'm not terribly upset about not being able to down 4 plates at a buffet anymore -- as a vegetarian I'd find that too repetitive anyway. However, I used to be able to just barely pull off wearing tight indie-boy teeshirts and between several months of unemployment (and thus fairly easy access to food anytime, plus an even more sedentary lifestyle than a desk job) and yet another metabo-dive, that ironically worn Backstreet Boys teeshirt just isn't an option anymore. After nearly a semester of procrastination I made it past the locker room. Stacey's been raving about something called an "elliptical" so I figured I'd give that a shot. I played with the settings and it told me my target heart rate for the exercise would be 125. I did about 10 minutes at over 160 and felt pretty good, then hit a wall. All in all, 15 minutes plus a couple minutes before that IS a pretty good start. Since my 20th Century English Literature class was coming up next, I ended up reading "The Waste Land" (where the quote above is from) in the sauna while sweating like (I'm tired, throw in your own comparison here).

Friday night is the Decahedron and Scout Niblett show. It'll be great to see Johnathon again...just barely missed him a couple months ago when they played Des Moines on a school night. Scout and Decahedron contrast quite a bit musically but it should make for a really great night. Saturday morning Stacey and I are getting some pictures done by our friend Jared, who did some really sweet portrait work of Liz not too long ago (check it and the Greazy short film series on his site).

All right, my neck is about to give out and I need to have an excuse not to eat this late, so I'm going downstairs to lie in bed and watch the rest of Baseball Tonight (I generally only watch it if the Cubs win, which they did today) and The Daily Show if I'm still awake.

Today's Daily Presidential Briefing (DPB):
Mr. President,
As one baseball fan to another, I highly recommend you add Aramis Ramirez to your fantasy league. The man is on fire and, incidentally, part of a very fine Chicago Cubs team.
In addition, you should be informed that the fine folks who put out Fig (and other flavors of) Newtons are now selling bars that feature both fruit and some sort of yogurt inside the usual "not a cookie, but a Newton" crust.

Here we are on a new server.

A new feature on this blog from today forward is our own DPB, which is short for "Daily Presidential Briefing." In recent weeks we've seen and heard "DPB" used fairly often by those interviewed by the 9/11 Commission. No doubt I'm the 15 millionth online journal to do something like this but I've not seen it so it's still new and entertaining to me.

DPB for 18 April 2004:
Mr. President,
Nebraska is very windy today. Very very windy. If you go to Nebraska today and wear a baseball cap then make sure to wear it snugly upon your head. Nebraska is a Great Plains state and as a further precaution, any visits today to Great Plains states carry with them a caution to keep all baseball caps at a level 3 snugness.
/DPB

I'm down to less than a month before I earn my BA (well, depending on that Astronomy Lab) and I have yet to really get excited. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that my job won't change, I don't feel "completed" yet, and I see so much more I want to learn.

Pascha/Easter was really quite wonderful. The early morning (rather than near midnight) service went pretty well and I must admit I found staying awake to be much easier. Just the glory of it all is really quite overwhelming. Of course, then at the potluck people had brought quite a few desserts so I acquired a nasty sugar buzz. I ended up allowing myself to watch an entire Cubs game without doing anything but falling asleep occasionally. I forgot how nice it is to relax once in a while. I probably should more often.

Tonight's the Okkervil River show (with Azure Ray and Neva Dinova). I'm able to get in free, which makes it all the more tempting (though this show is worth the price) but the band I want to see the most won't play until pretty late. I HATE what this probably says about me, but I've just been too tired and worn out lately to go see a late show tonight and still manage work in the morning. This weekend Jared and some others have their film premiere plus Kill Bill, vol. 2 opens and a week from Friday I'll be in at another show so I'm still going to be on social overload this month.

Lately I've been bothered quite a bit by the absolutely inane turn the "Everyday Cafe" has taken. Granted, the more intelligent, exploratory posts are by definition supposed to be in forums like "culture" or "spirituality," but in my opinion, we've watched it get dumber than usual lately. Anyone who talks with me much knows that I go through this every few months or so and a few times a year seriously consider just locking it up for a while. I don't think most people mind the "how I'm doing" posts -- those are conversational and often friendly. Some folks on there care about others and updates are good. However, not much of what's on there the last while is of much immediate worth. I'm embarrassed to be associated with it. I feel that some of it is my fault -- working full-time and going to school drains me of time to work on the zine, which could and should set the tone for the message board. However, let's just be honest and admit that a good bit of the issue is a result of people wanting to just go play around and see their vapidity in print. Thanks to Horton for posting about this in the Culture forum...I didn't want to start a thread on it myself.

I tried to catch up on lost sleep last night but I can't spend more than about 7 hours in bed without my back and neck getting sore on me. I also woke up more tired than I felt going to bed...Flannery kept poking her cold wet little nose into my face and butting her head into me in an attempt to make me get up but I worked so hard to stay in bed that I eventually got her lying down and purring, at which point the clock radio started playing that terrible Kid Rock "Cowboy" song and getting out of bed made a lot more sense.

Tonight Omaha has two shows going on that I'd like to hit. If I get to either of them, it will be Michael Hurley at the Darkroom. He came out of the Greenwich Village folk scene in the early 60s and I wouldn't mind catching him live...Simon Joyner's playing the show, as well, and somehow I haven't gotten to any of his shows yet, so maybe tonight's the night. Stacey's flying in tonight, though, and getting in around 9, so it all sort of depends on how we're both feeling at that point. The other very good show happening is Two Gallants plus some other bands. Two Gallants (catch the reference and you win prestige) are folk and blues-based but embrace the electric. Coast of Nebraska, who I really do want to see one of these days, and someone else are also there. They're playing the 49'r, though, and Stacey's not quite 21, so that's out. It's all good, within the next few weeks I'll definitely be at two shows and possibly more.

Last...I encourage everyone to spend some time in contemplation the next few days. The only suggestion I'll overtly make is to attend a Stations of the Cross service or find it on the internet somewhere and read and pray in your own space. As Johnny Cash sang and sings, "sometimes it moves me to tremble."

Thanks for the happy comment, Kate...it's good to know someone still sees this. : )

This week Stacey's back in Indiana visiting her family (and mine, too, actually) while the school where she works is on spring break. Among other things, this means that Flannery (the young cat, for those who may not know) stays with me for a few days this week. She can be quite wild sometimes but also very affectionate, and she tends to be even more of both when it's just me without Stacey around (probably because I let her get away with more of her shenanigans). Right now I'm working on a paper exploring the correlation between the Romantic theory of art and psychedelic rock music (one of my favorite things to ever work on, but unfortunately just one paper out of many for my Culture of the 60s class this semester)...which means much of my evening is tied up with working on that. Flannery, poor thing, desires attention and hops up on my keyboard and blocks my screen sometimes. We did go outside and play for quite some time early yesterday evening, so it's not like I just ignore her while I'm home. She ended up rolling around in the dirt like a puppy and may be a bit grubby when Stacey gets back Friday night.

Anyway, before I become one of those people whose anecdotes primarily consist of animal stories and hints that mental stability is only around because of a pet, I'll move on to something else.

This is Holy Week. Lent has been rough this year because I've not only been very busy but also because self-control isn't exactly one of my stronger suits. This week especially just doesn't feel right: I have class on Maundy Thursday and will miss mass and all that accompanies it that night. I don't really have any vacation or personal time I can use to go to Good Friday services in the afternoon and God forbid this university make any allowances for that sort of thing. Of course, I'm the only one to cover phones on Friday afternoons, anyway, so it probably wouldn't have gone over well either way.

It's 9am and I'm craving Chinese food. I'll have to hold out until 5pm and grab some on the way home. The Cubs play tonight so I'm sure that'll be a nice distraction from the paper that's due tomorrow.

Lately I keep thinking quite a bit about a story I started a couple months ago knowing full well I wouldn't get back to it anytime soon. I guess that's what summer is for...I'm taking the summer off from school after I graduate in early May. It's a story about America and hair.

Go Cubs.

Somehow I managed to put off blogging for an entire month.
The last month has been insane, however.
Things at the new job are incredibly busy, I'm in 3 classes, at church another 2 or 3 times a week, and life gets busy beyond that, too.
The last two weeks especially have wreaked havoc on my emotional and mental states. Work is just nuts, without going into detail. I really like my job but we're short-staffed and in the busiest time of the semester and things associated with that have really taken their toll on the new guy. I had a term paper due this past Monday and that sucked a ton of life out of me, though I really enjoyed researching and writing it. I'll be honest, I've been on the edge of burnout all week and battling to not break down. I think things are at the very beginning of an upswing, which is good. A professor and I met yesterday and she said some very complimentary things to me and it was just what I needed. I've been feeling overwhelmed and inadequate despite quite good grades and she said a couple things and gave me some advice that really helped me start to turn things around. I look up to her a great deal and think she's a wonderful professor, and the fact that she thinks I'm a good student and have made a ton of progress in such a short time and am getting better all the time really helps.

Two of the English grad guys and I had a conversation during class break last night about early 90s indie rock and how "indie rock" has gotten so "professional" (and not necessarily in a good way) in recent years. I've never really "fit in" to any sort of group or anything, and it's not about that at all, but it was really sort of funny that I sort of get on with guys who are in the position I hope to be in in a couple years and we all have pretty similar interests and knowledge. That sounds really cheesy but sometimes it's those cheesy things that help confirm a person and help him stay off the deep end.

The baseball season begins on Monday. Kerry Wood is in fine fine shape. I can hardly wait for the season to start...seems like just a short bit ago I was in Chicago watching the Cubs fall apart in the NLCS. Who knows, maybe I'll get to go back to Chicago for a day or two this coming fall...I just hope it becomes a possibility due to them making the playoffs again.

The college radio station is playing that ridiculous "Cold Hard Bitch" song by Jet. I thought "Are You Going To Be My Girl?" had a pretty nice charm and even a well-written pop song, but this song is not only boring, it's too reliant on formulas you can go hear all day on AOR stations (if very many even exist anymore). That's better...now they've got something playing that I recognize and dig but can't for the life of me remember what it is.

Now that my major term paper is past, I should be posting a bit more. I still have other papers due and finals in a month...but I think I'm at a point where posting now and then shouldn't be as much of a challenge.