just what we needed. another commercial using the Monkees' "I'm a Believer." it's a cute little pop song overused in commercials. know of any more? email me. as if more than one person reads this. and i don't even know who it is. maybe i shoot too high. and need to stop speaking in fragments. anyway, if anyone's out there, let me know of which songs are bugging you by being overplayed on commercials (as opposed to those overplayed on radio stations, such as Train's "Drops of Jupiter").

*i wish it were as easy as knowing what you need and then just grabbing it.

*i wish it were as easy as writing down a specific plan, then working hard and seeing those steps of the plan happen with Hard Work and Determination.

*i wish it were as simple as negotiating, compromising, and talking all involved into some sort of agreement.

*if only there were some sort of lesson plan to educate, to teach what needs to be known.

*if only i would listen when i tell myself to shut up.

why must i be strong when i can't even pretend i am?

another week, another botched Ed party. since liz and jill work while Ed is on, i've just been taping it and the plan is that we all watch it later wednesday night. unfortunately, my vcr doesn't seem to like the idea and has managed to foul up the recording both times. last week we had sound but mangled picture for much of the show; last night the picture was fine but the sound messed up for a good deal of it. that's neither here nor there, but popped in my mind as worth mentioning.
the job situation is being worked on. to be honest, i'm kind of tired of thinking about it so i'm saying no more for the moment.
in fact, i need to get on to doing other things so it's time i say no more period.

2 sundays ago i was hanging out with jeff and cecilia, his 4 year old daughter. she had just had her birthday party and they had given pumpkins out to those who attended. they had an extra pumpkin in their car and jeff gave it to me. that pumpkin made the trip to omaha with me, though i had no clue what i would do with it here. i ended up putting it on the front porch as some sort of autumn decor. the other day i noticed it had been gnawed on a bit, then a couple days ago i realized it was being eaten. this morning i just wrote my blog piece and was walking to go upstairs (which requires walking by the front door) and there was a squirrel feasting on my pumpkin. i went and found a camera (my new one needs a battery), loaded film, and ended up shooting about half a roll on the squirrel. i'll be sure to link the pictures once they are up.

My phone is turned off right now. i had to get my own account and number, so between the time the guys who lived here before officially disconnected and the time when the phone company gets around to activating my account (which i set up last week), i'm without phone access. as a result, this blog will be uploaded sometime today but not immediately. it's almost 9:30am right now. One of the first things i automatically want to write about is my job search, but there's a bit of a change in thinking regarding that. Yesterday (i'm tending to use capitals today and i'm not sure Why) was the day to start going full-blast job-searching; i had done some last week but was mostly busy getting this apartment joel-ized. sunday night i bought a paper from a newstand because the best job listings are there. unfortunately, it was dark and i didn't realize all that was in the box was a copy of saturday's, so yesterday i called the newspaper office to find out where i could get a copy of sunday's. the lady told me that walgreens would have them but that since i'd paid for a sunday paper, they'd deliver one. i'm watching my money but another 1.50 isn't going to break me, especially when it is to help me find a job, but i figured that i may as well sit tight and wait for them to bring me one since she said they would. well, i waited til 4pm and no paper. i called again and ended up going to a gas station a few blocks away and picking one up, then got started on job listings. However, that story is subordinate to what happened and what i learned. i did some house-arranging stuff and actually made lunch, but then decided to read a book i've meant to start for a while. it is one that i knew would be of much enrichment spiritually and would help direct me toward some answers. i read it much of the afternoon, went over some job listings, then read it to the end while the ALCS baseball game was playing on the tv. without going into too much detail, it is exactly what i needed to read right now (of course). here's where it all ties in (my writing skills absolutely suck right now, i know). lately i've been really nervous and worried and going nuts about getting a job; not just a job, but one that will be paying enough and right for me personality-wise and where i can make a difference somehow and all the other joel idealogical stuff. i've been praying a ton about it but still stressing way too much and knowing it. while i'm praying about it this morning, a really familiar verse popped into my head. the old king james version put it "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." i immediately started praying and asking God "how can i do that?" when i realized...i just had been the day before. somehow God gave me grace yesterday to read the book and not go buckwild over the job thing. yes, it's my responsibility to look and apply and get that resume out, but my bigger responsibility is to seek things of God's kingdom first...then He'll give me peace and faith and hope about it, He'll show me even more grace, He'll send the right job.
here's what to file under "things i'm realizing that God already knew":
i didn't move here because i was supposed to be with friends, though i love them and am enjoying being with them often. i didn't move here to be on my own and be independent, though it's a great step and i'm enjoying it. i moved to this place when i did to seek God's kingdom in ways i couldn't before. i've been here a week and the seeking has started.

if i can do this regularly, it will be some sort of minor miracle.
then again, life is made up of minor miracles, so maybe it will happen.
my name is jo-el. within the last week and a half, i've moved to omaha, nebraska. so many people have asked why, and the only real answer is: because i needed to. at this point, going into it isn't going to happen. it'll happen piece by piece, entry by entry, and as you read my life you'll understand.
lately i've been listening to The Smiths a lot. if you don't, you should.
i need a job. on one hand, i am rather frustrated and worried about it. it's eating me up quite a bit right now. on the other hand, i have a certain hope and faith that it'll happen and i'll get a decent job and it'll be all right.
a few random facts to bore those who know me and intrigue those who wish they did. i'm 24, i hate using capital letters out of duty, my apartment has mostly hardwood floors, i made both a pie and cake from scratch yesterday, and lately i've really been digging the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Incidentally, contrary to how that last sentence just painted me, i'm desperately heterosexual.
My friends tell me i have squirrels in my head. they were discovered last summer when i first visited omaha. we were in a small mexican restaurant called Trini's in the Old Market.
i enjoy the works of Pablo Neruda. also Flannery O'Connor and J.D. Salinger.
I've got a pumpkin on my front porch. I think some of the squirrels out there gnawed on it.
Well...I'm going over to Liz's now. We're gonna have some Merlot and just be quiet.