wow, we're just updating this terribly regularly now, aren't we?
and by we, i mean me.

things are very busy. of course.

that said, here's the deal, here's the situation.
starting tonight, i'll be on my computer a significant amount more. for those not in the know (she posted it on the message board, so it's public info, but folks may not have seen), carole is moving to work at a small iowa newspaper as, i'm pretty sure, the managing editor. i'm very very happy for her. anyway, she has tended to use my computer a ton (which was no big deal, i have had plenty of other stuff to work on or do) or in the living room watching tv or whatever, so my computer use at home has been pretty minimal. obviously now the situation is different and i'll be on there a good deal more. of course, i'm also spending significant (and wonderful, i might add) amounts of time with my one true love, and as it turns out, that time is not spent on my computer.
however, i've rededicated myself to working quite a bit on my writing, and i'm sure bits of it will pop up here. there are a couple other big projects i really want to work on, as well, and i'm sure you kids will be clued in.
and i have to go home now.

so, in an effort to post from more diverse settings, i am posting this from the creighton university computer lab. which is about to close, considering it's about midnight.

oh and to answer kelly's comment/question: very good.

i am not ruled by guilt.
in fact, i don't really struggle with guilt at all.
on the other hand, the more i pray and fast and study and allow the Holy Spirit to work, the more that is dug up that i realize is distortion and sinful and wicked in my heart and thoughts and actions. i realize how my thought patterns and mental processes have such little discipline and if the pure of heart are the Kingdom of God, then i've got some traveling to do.
anyway, i'm not after any "but you're such a good guy" or "you're so great, joel," because i'm fully aware of the good things i've done (whatever my motives), i'm aware of unselfish acts, i'm aware of the positive things. sometimes too aware. my point is not to gain support or whatever, because i'm not being hard on myself or judging myself. and this isn't about past mistakes, regrets, or anything like that so much as it's about knowing that whatever is seen on the outside, there's a sinfulness inside that i can either ignore and focus on great outside actions and thus allow to run rampant, or i can admit to and call it for what it is and we can face it head on.
my point is this...i know there is redemption and when we're sitting there close, it's what i see in her eyes. everything i shouldn't have, everything i don't deserve, He's put in her to show me once again that He loves me. i shouldn't have someone so wonderful, not at this point in my life, not as imperfect as i am, not as flawed i am in my very thoughts. but...i do.

something that really bothers me is when there are spots or smudges on my glasses.

ah, well, we've had one guess on the song, but it wasn't quite right on. "joelsie and the pussycats" made me laugh, though, so i suppose you get a couple points for that.

i'm really clogged up in the sinuses the last couple days. i don't feel like i really have a cold, so it may be some crazy allergies. this weather's done interesting things to my system, i suppose. i've been drinking a good bit of orange juice lately, which should probably be a regular habit anyway. i've also eaten quite a few bagels, but i suppose that's neither here nor there.

one of these nights i need to just make myself get on the computer and write. this is getting ridiculous and a bit embarrassing, but i suppose being this busy combined with focusing more on learning is a reasonable (if not acceptable) reason.

later more?