One of life's small rich luxuries is watching old reruns of The Twilight Zone on the SciFi channel between 11 and 12pm on a Sunday night. Sure, I work tomorrow, but not until 9:30 or so. I intended to get to bed fairly early, but so much is going on in my head right now that I need to write a little (albeit not even necessarily about that, just anything in general) and watch some engaging yet not overly cerebral television to ease me toward sleep time.
On a commercial break, I flip to MTV because occasionally "All Things Rock" has a decent band on. Right now they're showing some outfit called The Sums. I dig the threads: Plaid shirts, black ties, black pants (most likely Dickies) and black Chucks on the feet. Those who know me realize this sounds close to my dream set of clothes. The requisite wallet chains and various spiked hair is included, as well. Unfortunately, their music (at least this song, one I've also heard on the radio a couple times) is thin. While not exactly bland, the sound has nothing to make it any different from any number of start-up pop punk bands, save that the lead vocalist tries the rappish screamy thing (which maybe only half the aforementioned type of bands attempt to pull off).

Next time I flip back, Good Charlotte starts in on a video. I know better and flip back to SciFi immediately.

After The Twilight Zone is over, I try MTV one more time. Now some band called Audiovent is playing at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
You know...
Rock is back. I thought I'd be grateful when it came back, but I also had been hoping it would be better than this.

I also wish all of you a wonderful Feast of the Nativity (aka Christmas) and holiday season.

In the past few days, I've gone back and looked over my previous blog entries. Here are a few things I observe:

I actually have grown and matured since when I started (which was sometime in early or mid-2001, as I recall).

I've had a potty mouth. I'm sorry. I edited a little bit and I now realize how much of an imbecile a person can appear to be when using certain language indiscriminately.

I whine. Far too much. I've decided to whine less, pontificate more. I feel fine about hopping on a soapbox, but the complaining needs to happen much less.

I don't use this nearly enough to actually write intelligently. I'm going to try to now.

Something else I should point out for the few who may read this on occasion. In August and September, I wrote a bit about a lovely lady I met at a church function and thought about quite a bit. I didn't pick back up on that subject past a certain point, but at another point began referring to "my significant other" or simply "S.O." For clarification or just trivia's sake, I now point out that these two are one and the same. Despite the personal nature that so many of these blogs take on, I am still fairly apprehensive to say much about my personal life, at least using specifics, but I felt I owed it to the beautiful readers to mention that.

This entry will be redundant for those who read the vagrant board (perhaps all of you--if not, use the comments feature and say hello!) but i'm trying to get down somewhere the things I write--not because I am any kind of authority, but to observe my own process of thought, to have a small collection of my own thoughts on things that actually matter (as opposed to just rambling or whining as I do so often here).

the question asked: can there be love without trust?

love can definitely exist without trust. true love in an abstract sense is not dependent on trust whatsoever, whether it be a family, friendship, or romantic love.
however, love in the romantic sense is very often tied to the state of the relationship (or lack thereof). romantic love is quite obviously different than the love Christians are called to have and share, though romantic love cannot exist without it.
for a romantic love relationship to work, though, trust must be involved. there are different levels of trust, yes, and sometimes a relationship can operate on a relatively fairly low degree of trust, but somehow, somewhere, trust has to be there. for a relationship to work well, then there does need to be a high level of trust. trust goes both ways, however--each person must trust the other, and each person must help the other person to trust through communicating, behaving responsibly, etc.

hello. thanks to those who have used the "comment" feature. you're great and i love hearing from you.

let's get the complaining out of the way first.
--i'm not a greedy person. however, this telling me you'll pay back the money you owe me (a significant amount) and then coming up with reasons it isn't getting done and taking forever to return emails, phone calls, whatever...it's getting old. if i weren't struggling so badly financially, it wouldn't be so big a deal, but when someone is very kind to you and then you just jerk him around, knowing he's in rough financial waters...that says a lot.

okay, enough of that.

i'm in a relationship with one of the most incredible people i've ever met. what's best, though...is that she treats me so well. she's honest and won't mince words, but she's not aggressive or abrasive or rude or domineering. she is incredibly patient and kind and understanding. i'm so blessed to have her.

so we're what, a week out from Christmas?
this is the first Christmas i won't be spending in the "michigan/indiana" area. last year i drove back for a few days. this year i spent a week there for Thanksgiving, but Christmas will be in Omaha. it should be really good.
of course, i don't even have a tree yet. i forget if i have a small one around somewhere (i know i did back in MI), but i haven't had the time or space for it yet. i have such a great family (both immediate and extended) who have sent me some presents. i've been very good and only opened a couple of them. so far, we've got socks and the smallest George Foreman grill.

for some reason, the vagrantcafe.com website is down and has been since at least yesterday night at some point, probably earlier.
to whomever might read this that doesn't get here from there, i'm sorry, and i've contacted our host's technical support.

i wonder if anyone reads this anymore. i went for so long without regular updates...
on one hand, i don't really like a whole lot of attention. on the other hand, it's a weird kind of good feeling to know people read your stupid little rants and vents.

i think the biggest thing i want to do--and i hate "new year's resolution" type stuff but perhaps this should be one--is to actually improve my writing via my little journalistic attempts right here. for too long i've let this be not only sporadic, but also sloppy. not that it has to be formal or of incredible quality every time, but if i get used to writing a certain way just as a way of self-gratification, then the writing i actually do for writing's sake may suffer. i'm still not sure about using caps, though, that's such a big step for me. :-)

i can't help it. i'm a junkie. i check the Chicago Cubs website several times a day for updates and stories. it's sick.

i want to put together a really good holiday music compilation this year. i did one last year that was okay, but was mostly a combo of stuff from a best buy compilation, tooth and nail happy christmas albums, and a couple beach boys songs. i'm hoping for more depth and classics this time around, though last year's served its purpose, which was to keep me awake while driving to milwaukee and michigan.

it's tough being the nice guy.
people assume you won't get mad when they say things about you. people assume you're laid back about everything, whatever your moral compass may say. people assume they can pull things on you.
you feel more than a twinge when people need help, when the homeless approach you, when you are asked to donate. when you loan people money, they either don't bother to pay you back or keep telling you they're going to and keep forgetting or allowing other things to keep that from happening. when you're a nice guy, you try to be nice about that even you're behind on your own bills, have way too much debt of your own, and definitely don't have extra money sitting around just waiting to be lent or given out. when you're a nice guy, people respect your ideals, but not the person who has them.

ok, enough whining.

today i brought in the CD case that has (among other things) all my home music backup discs. i have waaaaaay too much good music here right now where i can't really listen to it much. i just knew i had to have something decent to play in the background, though, or i was going to go nuts.

last night my S.O. called and we (meaning basically she) talked for a good while. it was great. i tend to get really down about things, it's hard to describe, but she was sensing this and just had some wonderful things to say that were great to hear. she's the best.

this has been an especially busy past few days. ryan and jenni's wedding was saturday, my S.O.'s finals are this week and i've been cooking her meals the past few days to save her some time, and the usual assortment of craziness. michial is visiting right now, which is great...wish i could see him a ton more often. who knows where we'll both end up, but it'd be great to end up in the same region, at least, if not a lot closer.
i had lemon shrimp and noodles today for lunch. it was good, but i'm really hungry again. i'm not sure why today i'm suddenly hungry quite a bit.
the last few days i'm really antsy and, well, i'm not sure how to explain it. kind of irritable and argumentative, in ways. not overly aggressive or anything, just kind of behaving less than well-adjusted sometimes, perhaps. hopefully whatever it is will clear up soon.
i think tonight i'll finally just sit around and relax with michial. dishes do need done and i'd like to do a little writing, but we'll see. also 24 is on tonight and while i usually tape it, i'll actually be home for it so that'll be goooood.
ok, i'm gone....see ya.

the snow started falling here, but only stuck around for a short while. i enjoy the snow, but since michial is flying in tomorrow i'm glad it isn't going to snow a whole lot in the next couple days.
by the way, great song to check out: "Winter Symphony" by Brian Wilson (or may be under The Beach Boys, i forget at this point).
Today i've been listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Dean Martin. and on the lunch break, started reviewing the new Element 101 record. it's actually a lot different than their earlier stuff (and much much better). no more poppunk.
tonight's a big night of cleaning house, hopefully writing a bit, and catching up on episodes of 24.
and i still need to see these new Osbournes episodes.

on sunday i was over at the S.O.'s apartment but also sick as a dog (which is unfortunate but better than being sick back in MI or IN). we ended up watching the animated Disney version of Alice in Wonderland, which i'd never seen in its entirety. I think they did a really great job with that film, but i'm not an animation connisseur or anything so i'll just keep quiet on it.

last night liz and i went and saw Bowling for Columbine. GREAT documentary. it basically shows how America is quite obviously much more violent than other countries and cultures, then asks "why?" the stories and interviews and information and clips from this documentary are amazing. also, while this is a documentary and it is about guns, it's also hilarious. michael moore is absolutely great at providing humor even in the darkest, anger-drenched subject.

i'm getting sleepy but i'm still working, so i better sign off.

and of course, this time it was over a month since the update, and the last update promised more action. i'm such a disappointment!
of course, the time spent with my S.O. isn't on the computer and that time has been fairly heavy, thank God.
so, i'm not going to promise anything, much less much, but i do want to keep working on writing, slowly, so perhaps we'll see that happen here. perhaps. maybe. possibly. i hope so.

so what am i interested in these days?

--constantly checking the Cubs website. i won't bore you with what's new with them, but great things are happening.
--her
--ella fitzgerald
--Bowling for Columbine
--24
--observing my woeful financial situation
not necessarily all in order.

and i just finished registering for classes at University of Nebraska @ Omaha...the two classes will both be really great and are right up my alley. who knows, i may even graduate someday!

more later. maybe.