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If I'd-a listened to my mama, good people, I would'n-a be here today. (Dock Boggs)

The above quote has no immediate relevance, really, but seemed like a good way to start off a blog entry. I realize that LiveJournal will automatically translate that into some horrid modern emo song when I post a copy there, but such is life.

I hope everyone out there is having a decently good Christmastide. I know a few folks who read this (involuntarily) regularly are spending it one degree or another of alone, be it because of traveling relatives or just general state of life. Anyway, I've been there and know it's sometimes a bit rough, here's hoping next year is better.

We here are having a pretty good Christmastide. We both went to the Christmass midnight mass, which turned out to be pretty well-attended. Fr. Theodore made his first Christmass in our parish memorable, albeit accidentally. One of the candles on the altar simply would not light and the angle was difficult, being not only high but also someone obscured by pointsettia plants. Normally one of the servers comes out and lights the candles before the mass , but the only server there was fairly short so Fr. Theodore came out to help get that last crazy candle. Some of the plants and other candles were temporarily moved in order to get to the difficult one. Unfortunately, in angling around and leaning back and whatever else he was doing to get to it, Fr. Theodore leaned backward into a candle and the back of his alb (a white garment placed over his black cassock) caught on fire. I was sitting in the balcony with his wife and a couple others who are cantors/choir and wasn't paying much attention because I couldn't see around a light, but I heard her gasp and saw a bit of flame on his back. The server initially put it out but somehow it started burning again so the Deacon's son (grown and visiting that night from Lincoln) hopped up there and put him out. The server (one of my "political discussions during coffee hour" pals) informed me that yes, indeed, "on fire for the Lord" was the running joke back in the sacristy (where the priest, deacon, sub-deacon and servers go before and after mass), even amongst those without a fundamentalist or Pentecostal background. Luckily Fr. was undamaged and everything went pretty well after that. We had a bit of a dessert potluck after the mass -- nothing like that 1am sugar buzz. I went back the next morning for Christmass Day mass, which was pretty low-key and only a few people attended (which was pretty much as planned and understood), and Fr. Theodore asked if I'd come back for an encore of the fire. It was all pretty funny in retrospect.

Stacey and I had a great Christmas Day here at our place. We made a pretty big meal even though we're not huge eaters, knowing it would last a while. I finished the leftovers last night, though there still might be a plastic container of sweet potatoes in the refrigerator somewhere. We opened our presents and had a good time just spending time together with ourselves and Flannery. I ended up watching Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, a classic Frank Capra film starring Gary Cooper, on TCM. Robert Osborne, the guy who introduces and "epilogues" most of the films they show on that channel, kept vaguely alluding to how this film just couldn't be replicated by modern attempts. He may as well have just come out and said "especially starring Adam Sandler!" While the comedic elements of the film were funny and would work as a decent comedy-only type film (I've not seen the new one starring Mr. Sandler so I don't know if that's what they went for or not), the film as a whole was very political and social. Frank Capra tended to specialize in films that were just this side of corny and preachy, never quite crossing the line. The films feel so good that audiences wouldn't quite catch just how beautifully socialist they were, though Mr. Deeds and, for that matter, It's A Wonderful Life are chock full of that sort of thing. I think they illustrate the fact that the line between socialism and just plain being ethical and caring about your fellow man is very thin, at least in the opinion of some. Of course, the way we view socialism now greatly differs from how they viewed it then, so one must keep that in mind. File this under the same category as, say, John Steinbeck and Woody Guthrie.

Sunday and Monday were mostly restful, enjoyment type days. I got a little writing done. I don't remember much else, really, just getting a few things done around the house, spending time just relaxing, that sort of thing. I went on a wonderful, contemplative walk late Monday afternoon. Part of the intent was to specifically think on and pray about what to focus on in our first monthly teen Sunday School (which will hopefully take place in late January).

Yesterday we had to take care of the Great Sprint Debacle. We've been trying for months to get on the same account but were told varying things by varying people at Sprint. Finally we were told that Stacey's dad (her phone account was in his name) had to drive to a Sprint Store, fill out a form and fax it to another Sprint Store where we would be, all at the same time. After a few more confusing elements I'll not go into, we got it done. I just about lost it a couple times, but it all ended up okay...we hope. We ended up going a couple other places because we had gift certificates to them. I spent entirely too long debating over how to spend $15 at Borders. I ended up going with a new CD by The Innocence Mission. It's mostly old standards and sort of lullabye type stuff, not what I'll necessarily want to listen to often, but something worth having around. Everything else I wanted was either a bit more than I had on my gift certificate and I didn't feel like spending extra money or was something I knew I'd not get to reading anytime soon. I have a few books and magazines already going and don't want the stack to get too big. We're probably getting another bookshelf soon because we've got too much boxed up or just floating around. Yesterday just felt very off, due in part to the fact that I had insomnia pretty bad the night before and didn't really get to sleep until something like 4am, then things started happening pretty quickly in the morning and I never got to the morning office/Matins.

Anyway, that's what we've been up to.

My dad sent me an email the other day about a friend of his. The two have been good friends since college (early 70s - though his friend had been in the Navy for a few years before going to college) and corresponded through the years. Both were involved in "the ministry" for a number of years, generally small churches where they often had to take on other jobs to support themselves and their families. His friend is someone my dad knew to be just a wonderful person, very sincere and authentic in his spirituality and kind to everyone around him (much like my dad). Anyway, my dad's friend recently had started struggling with depression and mental illness, his wife thinks even schizophrenia. He ended up taking his own life with a shotgun, God rest his soul. He came from the sort of "old school" in that for many people, depression and mental illness are seen as strictly spiritual issues, something to struggle through and pray and fast over. He wouldn't go see a doctor even though his problems were obviously of a physical, chemical nature. Anyway, the whole situation is something I keep thinking about, a tragedy that hopefully others in the same position will be able to avoid.

Today at some point we'll be helping Michial move in. Luckily our weather is actually fairly warm, considering the time of year, at least it was yesterday and is supposed to be today. No one should have to move from Georgia to the North/Midwest/GreatPlains during sub-zero temperatures and/or a blizzard. No doubt he'll run into that sometime in January.

Much love to everyone and here's hoping this time of year is treating you well.

(1)
Thanks for the comments, Kelly and Jeff (comments posted on the Vagrant Cafe entry of my journal). I replied.

(2)
What I've listened to lately:
Hackamore Brick
Soul Position
X-ecutioners
Brian Wilson studio stuff
The Who - Tommy
Moby Grape
A Tribe Called Quest
NamelessNumberHeadMan
Calexico's EP of covers
Lazarus
Dallas Orbiter
various Christmas stuff.
Right now I'm listening to an old Smokey the Bear promo ad about 5 minutes long featuring a brief interview with Walter Brennan and a song by the Sons of the Pioneers. I have a whole bunch of mp3s of various Smokey ads with various celebrities back a long time ago. Do kids even know who Smokey is anymore? My dad still has a Smokey the Bear that he was given as a very young child.
Also going through my head quite a bit are pieces of the Divine Liturgy and the old English song:
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.

If you don't have a penny,
a half-penny will do.
If you don't have a half-penny
then God Bless You.

I think scarygoround.com (a favorite webcomic of mine) is what got that going.

(3)
I finished The Brothers Karamazov last night. If you want to hear interesting, in-depth commentary on it, ask Seth (aka "Premarital Seth). Before I start in on various novels and story for my African-American Novel class, I'm going to try and read The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test over Christmas break, plus various writings by both Church Fathers and modern writers. I also have copies of Uncut, Sojourners, and other magazines to read through in the near future.

(4)
In discussing various aspects of religion, spirituality and Christianity with folks, I'm slowly learning that folks being on the same initial first footing is pretty helpful. For example, I can debate and discuss with my dad things like the "Real Presence" in the Eucharist and the lack of evidence that Baptist thought was around pre-Reformation...because despite our disagreements on the matter, there's at least an understanding about pretty key things. On the other hand, for example, a Mormon gentleman is in a sort of free-for-all (i.e., getting challenged from a variety of sources) over on the forums right now. I actually feel for the guy because, frankly, I've been there (most of the board is one form of evangelical Protestant or another). However, one of the reasons that a discussion about it all is so difficult is that very basic beliefs and understandings on what is legitimate and what is not just aren't in place. If a person believes that God just let a "great apostasy" take over before the apostles even died and no one had the truth until it was revealed to Joseph Smith in the 1900s, then there's no real sense in debating things because we're not even going to agree on what constitutes a valid source or interpretation. I am, however, very interested to at least see what other people believe and why. This guy is very intelligent and, within the context of the ground-level beliefs, knows what he's talking about and has a commendable thought process (again, assuming the perspective and presuppositions are a solid basis, which I don't). He's well-spoken and bright, and while I'm obviously not going to agree with him on a lot of things, I'm always glad for folks with a decent head fer ta think with.

(5)
HAPPYHOLIDAYSFROMTHEHARRISONS!

(6)
This morning the local Dell tech support guy called and we arranged that he'd drop by the house between 2 and 4 to put in the new hard drive, which I was told Sunday would have everything already installed. Stacey called about 5 before 2 and said he had just been there and left around 1:30, saying that the installation should take about an hour. As of 4:15, the installation was still going. Never got a number from the guy. If it's still going when I get home from work and picking up groceries, this evening promises to be a long one. If this isn't something easily remedied, I'll vehemently insist he comes out and takes care of it tonight. If some guy has to come in off-hours to fix things up, so be it...this isn't something I'll allow to just be put off until after the weekend.

(7)
I wrote the following in response to a recent post on Seth's (Premarital Seth's) LiveJournal.
It's obviously stream-of-consciousness and I could expand on all of it quite a bit better, but I thought I'd at least post it here, just for fun.

This whole "Purpose Driven Life" thing is indicative of what I think I'll start calling the "Chewy Milk" uh...let's not be lazy and call this "phenomena"...the "Chewy Milk" Mentality, perhaps.I worked in a "Christian bookstore" for several years, 1998-2001, basically -- at the same time (and for a few years before that) I'd seen my once fundamentalist Baptist church go from ultra-strict, "separate" and confining to embracing things like this book, John Maxwell and um, the Brooklyn Tabernacle thing. St. Paul (yeah, let's get Seth started on that one) wrote of Christians and their spiritual consumption (terrible word!) of "milk" and "meat" and the importance of graduating food levels. What we're seeing today is the packaging of milk, but rephrased so that many, millions, think of it as "meat." Perhaps this is the result of the dumbing of the average American/Western mind. Perhaps it's what happens when Protestantism insists that people can "discern the word" for themselves so much that anyone who actually does so (or even appears to do so) is instantly branded "insightful" and such. Perhaps this is a natural reflection of our consumerist society's focus on packaging and taste rather than substance. Whatever the cause(s), my observation is that the mainstream evangelical (but not just that...Pentecostals, casual fundamentalists and liberals jump on this too) mindset is such that they're coddled, for the most part, with things that "tickle their ears." That's not to say they don't hear doctrine and theology in church; however, what they hear isn't particularly challenging/challenged past a very surface level. Even if/when they don't LIVE what they're taught, they still only subject themselves to teaching they want to hear. The vast array of denominations and sub-denominations makes that both possible and nearly necessary. As a result, when they hear someone say something even a slight bit more challenging or packaged in a new tasty way, many folks latch on and follow intently. At the bookstore, people bought up Left Behind books and The Prayer of Jabez in droves. Yet modern theologians who are quite accessible and palatable for the modern Western mind, such as CS Lewis and Francis Schaeffer, were by and large ignored. Go into any evangelical bookstore and look for writing compilations. You'll be lucky to find one of any Church Fathers or much in the way of in-depth commentaries, yet Chicken Soup and Funny-But-Heartfelt-Anecdote-With-A-Message books are everywhere. Anyway, there's my rant about Chewy Milk.

This is the time of year when one of the biggest questions on my mind is "what can I pawn?" To my detriment, this question (and those related to it) detracts from Advent contemplation.

As I told a friend, this is what I get for being an English major.

Anyway, things are fine, we're not going to be homeless next month or anything. The key is being careful, not using any more heat than absolutely necessary, keeping food expenses at a minimum, that sort of thing. I'm more than happy to have to squeeze the belt a little tighter if that means we have wonderful people to spend money on. I'd much rather get to spend time in person with our families and close friends but even so, it's worth anything to send special things to people who make this earth a more tolerable place and help fill our lives with happiness, love and wonderful times.

The other day on television a commercial really got my attention. It showed people sitting on wooden pews in church and an organ playing. The people all looked dead, were yawning, were obviously bored and didn't want to be where they were. Some announcer made some comment about "Not getting much out of church?" or some such remark. Then they cut to footage of the church they were advertising, you know, with their "praise and worship band" and follow the bouncing ball sing-a-longs and whatnot.
I was really pretty upset about the ad. The implication is that a more liturgical setting is undesirable and that enjoyment is the foremost directive in "choosing" a church. "What? Theology? Doctrine? That's BORING stuff, dude...we want to dance and play!" I have very little problem with a church advertising themselves...but a deliberate slam on more liturgical churches is not only inappropriate but displays an obvious lack of understanding when it comes to, well, Christianity. If I see the ad again, I'll be sure to snag the name of the church and do more research. It doesn't take much to shock me, but for some reason this commercial did the trick. "Church advertising in Omaha" would probably make for a great article. Omaha is itself a fairly conservative (in modern association) cowtown with a lot of semi-religious people looking for, well, semi-religion, especially out in the western suburban areas. These commercials really cater to that. Some of them feature pastors as personalities; others advertise everything but what would actually make them a church.
Don't take this as a "what he really means is that everyone who isn't Orthodox is wrong!" rant -- that's not the intent here, and this is by no means an all-out Protestant lambast. I have a lot of respect and love for people across a fairly wide range of religious leanings -- anyone who knows me knows that. What this is about is a public, unexplained slap in the face. It's one thing to make side jokes amongst a group of people who either understand or where some of them can explain what exactly is funny or worth making fun of or knocking about something. Even then, it's still best to be careful if it's in a public forum. I'm guilty of my share of snide remarks on the Cafe forum, but I'm also around all the time and more than happy to actually talk and discuss these issues. An impersonal television commercial is a completely different ballgame.

Before this turns into some sort of raging angst-fest, let me note 3 things:

1. No doubt part of my current personality (as in, what you see in this post...not necessarily who I'll be in an hour) is shaped by a caffeine addiction that has slowly creeped into more dominance than I wish it were. My goal is that after having caffeine early in the workday and at lunch, I can make it until I get home. I've had the physical need for caffeine pressing me in my head for at least half an hour now.
2. Everyone is subject to bad judgement at times. Whenever today I've felt guilty/dumb about some kind of recent decision, I just remember that Ken Tucker, music critic for NPR's Fresh Air program, counts a Ludacris album as one of his Top 10 Albums for 2004. This alongside some other actually very good records. Thinking about how he can do that and still be paid to actually give intelligent opinions on music while other people, many much better than I, wallow in sub-human jobs, absolutely blows my mind.
3. I need to exercise and get those "good feelings" endorphins or whatever flowing, not to mention start losing some flab.

On a more positive note, I'm very much looking forward to having all of next week off (and Christmas Eve, as well). I'll get some time to spend with Stacey and we'll be able to relax a bit and not fit in bits and pieces here and there. I'll have some time to work on all those things I need to work on. Poor Flannery won't feel abandoned. All of that is what's important and makes everything else worth putting up with, and I'm very grateful.

Normally when people talk about a "lost weekend" it's in reference to a weekend spent "lost" in partying, fun, possibly debauchery. Example: John Lennon's "lost weekend" with Harry Nilsson and others in the early 1970s where they drank, drugged, and God knows what else before the two aforementioned recorded the Pussycats record.
My "lost weekend" this past weekend consisted of hours and hours on the line with Dell tech support, frustrated attempts at computer repair and file salvaging. It only got worse as time went on. I did manage to get a few quite important files off the computer but the time lost dealing with support reps who sometimes were clearly talking with several people at once, never got around to emailing/calling back as promised and operated on completely different methods, I reached the point early Sunday afternoon that I called and just demanded a new hard drive. The support rep told me that he had a hard time convincing his manager of it (apparently Dell tech support is the inside job when it gets too cold out selling used cars) but they'd have a repair technician come to my house on Wednesday to put in a new hard drive with everything already installed. That's better than nothing, I guess.
We also went shopping again. Too many people in one place at once and I started getting close to flipping out (due in part to the computer situation, no doubt). I completely loathe Wal*Mart but someone got us a gift certificate there and we figured we'd use it while at least one of us was on break.
By Sunday late afternoon and night I was little more than a slobbering mess, exhausted and cranky. Since I figured all I was capable of was staring off into space, muttering and such anyway, we just plunked down in front of the television for "time together." I ended up watching a heavily edited version of "Casino" (starring DeNiro & Pesci & Sharon Stone) on USA. I'd been meaning to watch it for years, anyway, so despite the annoying obvious edits (NO ONE says "stinking" that much!) it kept me appeased and occupied for a while. "Arrested Development" is pretty good fun, so I watched that....then, in a feat of absolute loathsome laziness, I continued watching television...Stacey talked me into watching the first Harry Potter movie. Despite the fact that I did things with S., I can't escape the feeling that I wasted perfectly good weekend time doing very little of long-term consequence. We did help decorate the church early Sunday afternoon, too, so I guess there's that. All I know is that Christmas break is coming and I don't know if I'll be able to live with myself if I don't make significant progress on at least something. Maybe I'm turning into my dad. In the last few years I've realized more and more that that's definitely not a bad thing.

One aspect of Advent (as observed by the Orthodox, anyway) is fasting, focus on prayer and repentence. I have to admit, I'm really terrible about things. Asking (and that's what is, not demanding) me to practice even any kind of self-control and restraint, especially during the holiday season and at the end of the semester, is asking for the near impossible. Part of the whole point, I realize, is to help us understand just how dependent we are on the grace of God. My problem is that most of the time I don't even attempt to use that grace. I've done better in some areas but probably worse in others. It's not like when I was growing up, when an unrealistic, legalistic template was placed over all of us to fit into. It's not something I can tear down as fabricated and contrived and hypocritical and inconsistent. It's all choice, and realizing that when given the choice, I have less of a choice than I want to admit. The whole "I can quit anytime I want..." mentality. Or maybe I don't want to admit I have as much of a choice as I do. I struggle with myself, because part of me says that I just AM a certain way, don't judge, no need to really set expectations I'm just not meant to live up to. That's not the view of personal choice as expressed in the Scriptures, however. Anyone who reads objectively sees that to follow Christ is a choice, a gift, a road, a narrow path, a cross to bear, and no doubt the Kingdom of Heaven is hard to come by for even those of us who struggle to pay bills but still probably qualify as "rich" by Gospel standards. Anyway, in these last few days before the celebration of Christ's birth, in recognition of the anticipation of His arrival...I can, just like in all of life, keep starting again, continue to work it out. Again, this isn't about flagellation or legalism, but about personal choice and offering myself up as a "living sacrifice," wanting something better than I am.

Tonight we're going to see the new release of Phantom of the Opera. I've never seen it or really had much interest, to be honest with you, but the passes were free and it's something we can do together. I just realized that almost everything we get to go see free is a musical. 42nd St., RENT, Phantom...hmm. Of course, the student newspaper gives away other passes for free here all the time, but it's almost always terribly pedestrian, lowest common denominator movies I'd not waste one, much less two hours (plus driving time!) on. The university actually showed Sideways free last week (just before awarding a doctorate to the director, Alexander Payne) but it was the same night I was at the Parish Council meeting.

I'm sure I'll post again before Christmas but if you don't hear from me before then, have a wonderful Christmas and try to find some peace on earth.

Apparently this week is the official "year-end retrospective" week online. Look for a hop on the meme bandwagon at this post's end.

Here's something I wrote in response to a recent post on Seth's LJ:
In looking at it, 2004 was a pretty formidable year in my life. We got married in July. I finally earned my Bachelor's degree in May. I worked a terrible temp job, was hired back by the university in February. Gained too much weight.
One thing, though, is that I've realized that life (in regards to the narrative thing) is less a series of events and more a flow of linked blocks, so to speak. That probably makes no sense, it's hard for me to explain. Anyway, for example, my graduation wasn't really a specific event but more just one step in a series of steps that shouldn't necessarily be recognized as anything but one path. I mean, I still have the same job I had before I graduated, and that job has nothing to do with my interests or field. Yet I've taken a definite step in the direction I'm going by getting that degree. Same with marriage...if it's genuine and right, then the wedding itself is just a manifestation and recognition of what's already there. Things change, but very little works under the "end/beginning/end/beginning (and so on)" way of looking at things. I'm a different person in many ways than I was a year ago but at the same time, I'm the same person I've always been, for good and for bad. Almost everything that happens in our lives is only a manifestation of what we are and what we've chosen to do with what we've been given. Even the things that happen out of our control are greatly shaped by what's already in place and our way of viewing things. 2004 felt a lot like 1995, and very little like 2000.


1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?Marriage. Bachelor’s Degree. Missed my rehearsal dinner after some kid rear-ended the car my next-day-wife was sitting in. Had to deal with police more than momentarily/onetime situations.
2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I purposefully didn’t make any. The ones I made in my head accidentally I didn’t keep.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?No, but my sister will in a couple months.
4. Did anyone close to you die?Not this year.
5. What countries did you visit?Hopelessly landlocked, sorry.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. (Ripping off both Andrew and Estey). I’d also like a job relative to my talents. Better discipline in various areas, especially weight control and writing.
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?July 16, my wedding day.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?I don’t see getting married as an “achievement” in my case…probably getting my degree would stand out to some, though it hasn’t really changed my life one little bit. I think my biggest achievement was that I didn’t make any huge colossal mistakes.
9. What was your biggest failure?I didn’t really acquiesce and call anything failure. I constantly make mistakes, however.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?Nothing too long or serious. I mean, I got stitches in my finger and had a couple bouts of rough sickness but nothing debilitating in the long-run.
11. What was the best thing you bought?No idea. For all I know, it was some day’s lunch. Or a record.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Stacey’s been really great…perfect wife for me.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?This is a long and involved list. Let’s go with the short one:
--ex-roommate J---, who made the month before the wedding and several months of my marriage much rougher because of not only his constant behavior but also his thieving.
--Both “major” candidates for the presidency and much of the public that voted.
--A (now former) friend of my wife and in-laws who treated his wife like crap, cheated on her and just left her to raise several adopted (formerly in foster care) kids alone.
--Sammy Sosa.
--the people running our government
--local city council members
--neighbors

I’m easily appalled and depressed, I guess.

14. Where did most of your money go?the regular bills & rent, that sort of thing.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?The wedding and honeymoon. Getting to see family & friends at the reception at the end of the honeymoon. The release of Smile.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?I have no idea. My memory isn’t good enough to do that much.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? I was in love, still am in love, but married…so happier on that end. On the other hand, last year I was unemployed with the hope of a fitting job. This year I’m employed and realize an English degree means absolutely jack shit.b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. Stupid trickle metabolism.c) richer or poorer? Richer in many ways, but probably poorer monetarily.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?Writing. Exercising. Praying. Reading. Pretty much everything I want to do that actually means something.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?Stupid piddly things I can’t remember. Worrying about everything. Eating bad food.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?Christmas Eve midnight mass and Christmas Day masses, otherwise alone at home with the old lady and our cat. It’d be nice to see the families this year, I love all of them, but this year keeping to ourselves is absolutely super.
21. What LJ users did you meet for the first time?Not sure.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?With Stacey, constantly. With Chicago, renewed. The city not the band.
23. How many one-night stands?I can’t remember, you know?
24. What was your favorite TV program?Daily Show, Family Guy.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?I (work hard to) love everyone. I can’t pretend I don’t have a bit of a “shit-list” as some would call it but I work hard to love even those who I could justify hating.
26. What was the best book you read?I’m terrible about reading. The Brothers Karamazov and 100 Years of Solitude are the most recent. This fall has been all about the sweeping family epics, I guess.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?the new The Good Life, From Bubblegum to Sky, a few too many others.
28. What did you want and get?married to S., a decent place to live.
29. What did you want and not get?Two people I enjoy and admire (but have never actually met) replied “Serenity.” I can’t really rip that one off, though…I work too hard against attaining serenity to tell everyone that I wanted it.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?I didn’t really see enough of them to make this worthwhile thinking about.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?I hate birthdays, so I generally go to work, keep quiet and do as little as possible except maybe drink a little more. I know Stacey and I hung out but I don’t remember much else except that I had just started working at my current job and no one knew my birthday yet and I was very happy about that.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?A satisfying job. The discipline and circumstances to actually get some decent writing done. But that’s two things…or is it?
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?Same as the last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Mostly just very basic, nondescript stuff I find around in thrift shops or Target. I like Pendletons, usually shirts or those things that are like a shirt but open like a jacket, as well.
34. What kept you sane?spirituality and faith, my wife and the cat, happy escapes into music, books, film and school.35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?I don’t really know. 36. What political issue stirred you the most?the horrible and stupid assumption that Christianity is represented at all by GW Bush & friends, the “Christian Right,” Jerry Falwell and so on. I’m probably horrid and legalistic and badly judgmental to say that but that’s what stirred me most.
37. Who did you miss?parts of myself that I’m not even sure I’ve met yet.

38. Who was the best new person you met?Our landlords, their family, our new priest and his wife. All amazingly beautiful people who have really been a good addition to our lives.
I don’t really meet too many people. I mean, I meet quite a few through my job, but none of them really have gone past the job state. Maybe Jeremy, this kid who DJs a good show twice a week and actually has good music knowledge and taste…he’s the only new person I can think of from these parts.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.I seem to keep learning the same ones over and over.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year."Over and over the crow flies, cover the cornfield."

Winter in Nebraska brings searingly frigid winds. Guess what showed up this morning?

Last night I asked S. to stash my keys and wallet in her coat during our church parish's Advent reflections and potluck. She felt like driving home and I forgot to retrieve them. This morning she got all the way to her job before finding them but managed to work things out with her co-workers and bring my necessities back in time for me to still make it to work less than half an hour late. I wouldn't have minded taking the bus, really, but the transfers would have put me much more behind.

We finished almost all of our Christmas shopping this past weekend, an accomplishment we're both quite proud of. I'm lucky/blessed/fortunate to have someone who keeps a good head about her on these things and work with both my fussiness and gift-giving ideas. We ended up making a last-minute dash to a large Salvation Army store so I'd have more than 2 pair of pants to wear this week. I picked up 2 more pair that work all right and one pair that's tight and short but could work in a pinch (pretty much literally). S. had a good time finding me shirts and sweaters to work with, as well. We also lucked out in that it was December's half price Saturday. I think I'll hit up another Salvo on Wednesday evening, as well. One more pair would let me not have to repeat anything during the week. Anyway, being nearly done with Christmas shopping is a pretty good accomplishment for me (and speaks well for S. more than me). Normally I'm pretty late on everything. For example, my godson's birthday was in September and his gift for that will end up going in the Christmas box I send. He's only a year old and won't mind too much.

What I'm listening to today:
The Band, Music from Big Pink
Donovan (a collection)
Devics, Stars at San Andrea
Br. Danielson, Brother is to Son


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My Secret Santa gave me organic coffee and homemade pumpkin bread today. I can't really think of anything I'd rather have received.

Now reading:
The Brothers Karamazov
Stop Smiling, a magazine I just found out about. I'm not sure why I never saw it when tooling around Chicago this summer (they're based in Chicago and been around for long enough to put out 19 issues as of early this fall) but I'm enjoying it so far. Pictures of William Burroughs. Interviews with Jeff Tweedy, Terry Southern, Jason Lee, Christopher Hitchens. Other good stuff. They and Pop Matters look to be good, intelligent reading that isn't just indie rock posturing or incessant declarations of hip.

My weekend looks to be full of housecleaning. I'd like also to do some zine work, we'll see. I did an article and edited four reviews last weekend. We also have Christmas shopping, a Sunday evening church potluck Advent get-together and next week is finals week for Stacey.
I also need to hit up Goodwill/Salvation Army for some pants. I'm down to only two decent pair of pants that I can wear for work, and one of them has a noticeable rip in the side that I just cover up by wearing long shirts or jackets all day. A few weeks ago one pair of pants (that formerly was just a back-up, anyway) popped a button. Part because I'm too fat and part because they're old. Wednesday morning I stretched too much and ripped a nice big hole in the crotch of my blue cords, which up to this week have anchored my wardrobe and provided me with about 3 days of wear. I hate buying "new" clothes because not only am I neurotic and picky, but also I just keep thinking the whole time of what else I could be doing.

That's about enough update for now.