Normally when people talk about a "lost weekend" it's in reference to a weekend spent "lost" in partying, fun, possibly debauchery. Example: John Lennon's "lost weekend" with Harry Nilsson and others in the early 1970s where they drank, drugged, and God knows what else before the two aforementioned recorded the Pussycats record.
My "lost weekend" this past weekend consisted of hours and hours on the line with Dell tech support, frustrated attempts at computer repair and file salvaging. It only got worse as time went on. I did manage to get a few quite important files off the computer but the time lost dealing with support reps who sometimes were clearly talking with several people at once, never got around to emailing/calling back as promised and operated on completely different methods, I reached the point early Sunday afternoon that I called and just demanded a new hard drive. The support rep told me that he had a hard time convincing his manager of it (apparently Dell tech support is the inside job when it gets too cold out selling used cars) but they'd have a repair technician come to my house on Wednesday to put in a new hard drive with everything already installed. That's better than nothing, I guess.
We also went shopping again. Too many people in one place at once and I started getting close to flipping out (due in part to the computer situation, no doubt). I completely loathe Wal*Mart but someone got us a gift certificate there and we figured we'd use it while at least one of us was on break.
By Sunday late afternoon and night I was little more than a slobbering mess, exhausted and cranky. Since I figured all I was capable of was staring off into space, muttering and such anyway, we just plunked down in front of the television for "time together." I ended up watching a heavily edited version of "Casino" (starring DeNiro & Pesci & Sharon Stone) on USA. I'd been meaning to watch it for years, anyway, so despite the annoying obvious edits (NO ONE says "stinking" that much!) it kept me appeased and occupied for a while. "Arrested Development" is pretty good fun, so I watched that....then, in a feat of absolute loathsome laziness, I continued watching television...Stacey talked me into watching the first Harry Potter movie. Despite the fact that I did things with S., I can't escape the feeling that I wasted perfectly good weekend time doing very little of long-term consequence. We did help decorate the church early Sunday afternoon, too, so I guess there's that. All I know is that Christmas break is coming and I don't know if I'll be able to live with myself if I don't make significant progress on at least something. Maybe I'm turning into my dad. In the last few years I've realized more and more that that's definitely not a bad thing.

One aspect of Advent (as observed by the Orthodox, anyway) is fasting, focus on prayer and repentence. I have to admit, I'm really terrible about things. Asking (and that's what is, not demanding) me to practice even any kind of self-control and restraint, especially during the holiday season and at the end of the semester, is asking for the near impossible. Part of the whole point, I realize, is to help us understand just how dependent we are on the grace of God. My problem is that most of the time I don't even attempt to use that grace. I've done better in some areas but probably worse in others. It's not like when I was growing up, when an unrealistic, legalistic template was placed over all of us to fit into. It's not something I can tear down as fabricated and contrived and hypocritical and inconsistent. It's all choice, and realizing that when given the choice, I have less of a choice than I want to admit. The whole "I can quit anytime I want..." mentality. Or maybe I don't want to admit I have as much of a choice as I do. I struggle with myself, because part of me says that I just AM a certain way, don't judge, no need to really set expectations I'm just not meant to live up to. That's not the view of personal choice as expressed in the Scriptures, however. Anyone who reads objectively sees that to follow Christ is a choice, a gift, a road, a narrow path, a cross to bear, and no doubt the Kingdom of Heaven is hard to come by for even those of us who struggle to pay bills but still probably qualify as "rich" by Gospel standards. Anyway, in these last few days before the celebration of Christ's birth, in recognition of the anticipation of His arrival...I can, just like in all of life, keep starting again, continue to work it out. Again, this isn't about flagellation or legalism, but about personal choice and offering myself up as a "living sacrifice," wanting something better than I am.

Tonight we're going to see the new release of Phantom of the Opera. I've never seen it or really had much interest, to be honest with you, but the passes were free and it's something we can do together. I just realized that almost everything we get to go see free is a musical. 42nd St., RENT, Phantom...hmm. Of course, the student newspaper gives away other passes for free here all the time, but it's almost always terribly pedestrian, lowest common denominator movies I'd not waste one, much less two hours (plus driving time!) on. The university actually showed Sideways free last week (just before awarding a doctorate to the director, Alexander Payne) but it was the same night I was at the Parish Council meeting.

I'm sure I'll post again before Christmas but if you don't hear from me before then, have a wonderful Christmas and try to find some peace on earth.