I started typing this in response to a thread on the Vagrant Cafe about "what was the happiest time of your life?" and decided not to be a wet blanket.

"It's weird...I never really think of myself as "happy." It's not that I'm sad or upset or in some sort of negative state, because right now I don't think of myself in those terms, either...I don't know. It's not that I think my life sucks because there are very wonderful things in my life that are better than anything else like it has been...romantically and education-wise, in particular. However, I just see so much around me (whether I'm directly involved or not) that just utterly depresses and saddens me and I just don't know that I have it in me to be happy. I don't think that's a bad thing, I'm more than fine with it...it just is. I just don't ever get to the place where emotionally I'm all that high, I guess."

That said, I find enjoyment and happiness IN certain things. Stacey, for one. Spirituality, another. Also discussing interesting things with friends, reading, watching baseball, listening to good and great music, browsing and buying in record/book/magazine/thrift stores, watching films or the occasional television, playing with the cat, eating certain things, being alone in a natural setting, playing skeeball, and so on and so on. I don't think of myself as a particularly interesting or "fun" person but I'm not especially morose or faux "goth" or anything.

Thanks for enduring self-indulgence. I'm definitely that.