Okay, I'm back. I've avoided this long enough.
I knew that to post anything here would mean I would have to address IT and I just haven't been ready to yet.
My "Significant Other" and I broke up. She broke up with me. December 29. Why isn't important; it wasn't about anything I did, it's more about who I am. She has legitimate points and it's true, I have issues in my life, so arguing would be juvenile and pointless. I shoulder most of the blame because I try to be responsible and again, in all honesty the things she used as reasons are legitimate. However, these were things she knew before things got serious with us, things I put on the table before the first kiss, before any commitments or promises were made. I think she just woke up one day and realized she was unhappy and didn't want to be with me anymore--once that has happened, people will use whatever they can as Reasons to get out of the relationship. Sure, the way she broke up with me was unfair, was impolite and rude, was done in a way to *look* as if we were having a discussion that finally wound its way to the logical conclusion--but before we even began the discussion, she asked me to go get some videos from her library that were at my house and weren't due for another week, yet she "wanted to make sure were around so she wouldn't forget"--so I knew before the "discussion" even began what was going to happen. Of course, a "discussion" with her for me was more her talking and me getting one or two sentences out before being interrupted, but I suppose that's beside the point.
Anyway, a couple more things to note and then I'm done talking about the actual breakup (though as far as romantic status and related subjects go, I'll have more to say in regards to those at some point).
1. I emailed her a few days after the breakup and she never did respond, this being more than a week ago now. I know she's not all that busy right now (though she will be). It's amazing to me how once you're out of the relationship, people don't pretend to be as polite anymore. Seeing how I'm the one who had "the problems," I've been the one most gracious post-breakup. I could be very negative in regards to this sort of thing and rant about it for a while, but I'd only be embittering myself and focusing on things I shouldn't, so enough of that--just thought I'd point it out.
2. The "issues" I refer to aren't questions of character or morality, for the record. It mostly has to do with my professional and academic and financial situation being what it is. I'm in a very fragile financial position for the time being, haven't completed my Bachelor's degree yet, and yes, while I work for a university, my job isn't prestigious or on any fast track. Within a couple years I will complete my degree and get a job that will put me in a better financial position, but that's not fast enough for where she's at in her life, and I suppose that's her decision and I understand. There were a couple other issues, but ones that could have been worked through eventually, if we/she had wanted to. The difficult thing is that everything has to be worked on as a couple, both people need to compromise and give a bit, both people have to admit they aren't "already there," and while I was perhaps too willing to admit these things and work on them from my end, she wasn't particularly interested in that sort of thing on her end. I was patient and really felt as if eventually the work would be going both ways, but I suppose that's all moot now, anyway.
All being done now...
It was a very good few months. I don't really have any regrets or feel guilty about anything. She really is a great person and I hope she finds what she needs. I enjoyed the relationship, I had fun, I felt loved (was I? who knows...), and I've learned a few things. I'm better for having known her, even though she doesn't seem to want to know me anymore.
For the record...I'm at peace now.
I knew that to post anything here would mean I would have to address IT and I just haven't been ready to yet.
My "Significant Other" and I broke up. She broke up with me. December 29. Why isn't important; it wasn't about anything I did, it's more about who I am. She has legitimate points and it's true, I have issues in my life, so arguing would be juvenile and pointless. I shoulder most of the blame because I try to be responsible and again, in all honesty the things she used as reasons are legitimate. However, these were things she knew before things got serious with us, things I put on the table before the first kiss, before any commitments or promises were made. I think she just woke up one day and realized she was unhappy and didn't want to be with me anymore--once that has happened, people will use whatever they can as Reasons to get out of the relationship. Sure, the way she broke up with me was unfair, was impolite and rude, was done in a way to *look* as if we were having a discussion that finally wound its way to the logical conclusion--but before we even began the discussion, she asked me to go get some videos from her library that were at my house and weren't due for another week, yet she "wanted to make sure were around so she wouldn't forget"--so I knew before the "discussion" even began what was going to happen. Of course, a "discussion" with her for me was more her talking and me getting one or two sentences out before being interrupted, but I suppose that's beside the point.
Anyway, a couple more things to note and then I'm done talking about the actual breakup (though as far as romantic status and related subjects go, I'll have more to say in regards to those at some point).
1. I emailed her a few days after the breakup and she never did respond, this being more than a week ago now. I know she's not all that busy right now (though she will be). It's amazing to me how once you're out of the relationship, people don't pretend to be as polite anymore. Seeing how I'm the one who had "the problems," I've been the one most gracious post-breakup. I could be very negative in regards to this sort of thing and rant about it for a while, but I'd only be embittering myself and focusing on things I shouldn't, so enough of that--just thought I'd point it out.
2. The "issues" I refer to aren't questions of character or morality, for the record. It mostly has to do with my professional and academic and financial situation being what it is. I'm in a very fragile financial position for the time being, haven't completed my Bachelor's degree yet, and yes, while I work for a university, my job isn't prestigious or on any fast track. Within a couple years I will complete my degree and get a job that will put me in a better financial position, but that's not fast enough for where she's at in her life, and I suppose that's her decision and I understand. There were a couple other issues, but ones that could have been worked through eventually, if we/she had wanted to. The difficult thing is that everything has to be worked on as a couple, both people need to compromise and give a bit, both people have to admit they aren't "already there," and while I was perhaps too willing to admit these things and work on them from my end, she wasn't particularly interested in that sort of thing on her end. I was patient and really felt as if eventually the work would be going both ways, but I suppose that's all moot now, anyway.
All being done now...
It was a very good few months. I don't really have any regrets or feel guilty about anything. She really is a great person and I hope she finds what she needs. I enjoyed the relationship, I had fun, I felt loved (was I? who knows...), and I've learned a few things. I'm better for having known her, even though she doesn't seem to want to know me anymore.
For the record...I'm at peace now.
posted by Joel @ 1/12/2003 01:18:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home