there are certain aspects to who i am that just won't go away. not that i want them to...

i just realize that i'll always be mr. laid back, calm, deal with life as it comes. sure, it brews like a madfire inside but that's where self-control comes in. i also realize myself to be...well...i'll always generally be regarded as "out of it" or "spacy" or whatever. and that's fine. also, i know that i'm incredibly in love with music. i can't help it. it's weird...dumb little facts or tidbits about the cubs or baseball or the music that i'm into...that knowledge sticks around, i will retain it forever. more important things...i'm horrible. i'm someone who hates being in a crowd, yet i feel very at home at certain shows. as if that's my family. i may not know anyone there, i may know half the people there, i may know a percentage in between...but i feel like that's just the natural place for me to be. i'm reminded of a scene in Almost Famous where william miller asks penny lane "don't you have any real friends?" and i feel as if i should perhaps be asked the same. i've not really done much or hung out with people here...and i mean, that's fine, those who i know don't dig a lot of the stuff or thought that i do, so while that doesn't eliminate friendship, it puts a bit of a crimp in what to do in any time spent together. but i do have friends who visit once in a while, or i go visit...a few back in michigan and indiana, now a few in idaho, the guys in iowa, a couple down south, more and more heading to seattle...and while some might find it strange, i'm fairly ok with that. i think i'm meant to be alone most of the time, i'm realizing.
what a crazy ramble. and no, i didn't try to "write" at all...in fact, very much the opposite. hell, i'm at work, i'm on hold with generic bland boring yet annoying elevator music going on in one ear and trying to work on a couple things at once.

we appreciate your patience. please continue to hold and your call will be answered in the order it was received.