i didn't feel like mentioning them yesterday, because i was in a rambly mood and had certain things to get out of my system. but here's what made me so paranoid yesterday.

1. as alluded to later on, my brother died 8 years ago yesterday. it was a nasty riptide that no one could predict or do anything about. one of those things where nothing out of the ordinary was going on and suddenly, weird natural occurrence and bam, 4 in the family instead of 5. i really just don't feel like saying anymore about it.
2. i really don't think i'll go into detail here, but i'm having to run the zine myself, or at least, without someone who had the dream with me at one time.
3. i watched the other day as a policeman rolled slowly through the neighborhood, looking for parking violators. he actually stuck a sticker on one guy who had plates and was parked just fine. i've seen this happen before, too. i honestly believe that the police roll through our neighborhood because many there are poor and hispanic and don't really know the system or language enough to defend themselves against this. it shouldn't, but this really fucks with my sense of perspective. again, i'm not especially rambly today, so i won't go on and on about this like i usually would. somehow i seem to forget that someone at the IRS adjusted my taxes and corrected a mistake i made, and i got a nice refund out of it. so like i said, even in the back of my mind, i know it's not as bad as i feel it to be.