Seth (see the Selbst blog on my links list) has done a bit of discussion regarding relationships on his blog in the past 24 hours.
as so much of what he writes does, it made me think. and, now, comment. You'll probably want to read his first--what i'll say probably won't make much sense, but will make a bit more if you read his first.
The whole self-preservation thing makes a ton of sense to me, at least in my mind. However, if attempting to find a mate were mostly a matter of self-preservation (in a larger sense), then at least for me, it certainly isn't on an immediate level. i've been through more sh*t that brought me much closer to my deathbed as a result of that Search than anything else in my life by a long shot. perhaps part of the reason, then, that i'm not Searching at this point in my life is pure self-preservation instinct saying "listen, buddy, it's better to live to 70 and have no family to remember you than die before 30 trying."
so, then, why do we Search? and why do i keep using a capital "S"? both of these are tough questions and the second one may never be answered.
Incidentally, for an interesting take on all this, check out the part in Hedwig and the Angry Inch about the "Origin of Love." wonderful animated sequence, very interesting song. i know i'd heard that "theory" before as part of an ancient culture, but that's a pretty unique take and visual of it.
On a very base level, we do have a sex drive. there's no denying it, there's no (comfortable) way around it. it's there, it's lurking. even at the stage where i'm at, 25 and not particularly looking for anyone, that damn sex drive won't go away. even what self-preservation instincts i do have must battle like crazy because some days, given the opportunity, i'd mess my life up to appease the big Drive. every time i become interested in a woman, it's someone who is very creative and artistic, someone very intelligent, someone i could have wonderful discussions with. yet that sex drive doesn't care what she listens to, what she reads, what she quotes, or any of that. all that to say that no, it won't go away and whatever else interests us in a person, the pants still want to come off.
the Search, however, thank God, has a lot more to it. We were not meant to be creatures controlled by our sex drive. we were not meant to merely mate, reproduce, and then go find someone else with whom to repeat the cycle. the family, both in the immediate "father, mother, children" sense and in the more communal sense, have been with us since day 1.
what i believe is the key driving force in The Search has to do with how God created us. God created us in His image and likeness. Humanity was made with a certain amount of potential to become like God--in what we can do with our minds, in our relationships, in how our bodies operate, etc. Of course, the Fall came along and screwed that all up, and in a broader sense, spirituality is about regaining that lost humanity we were created to fulfill. We are told that "God is Love" and we can see the lengths to which His love drove him. This isn't just a romantic love, though romance certainly is an element (see Song of Solomon, of course). This love is a relational love, a love that is intimate, sharing, trusting, and fulfills us as we fulfill those we love. This is the love that all of humanity was to have--to be human would be to have this love. we are still meant to have this love, we were made with the potential for it. love is meant to be experienced sensually (meaning through the senses) in addition to emotionally, intellectually, etc., and certainly sexuality is a part of that love, but certainly not always. anyway, this Search so many of us are on...it is a search to fulfill our true humanity. if God is Love, and separation from God is hell...well, we're mostly western here, we can do the logic. where we get confused is that we equate the Love we are seeking with a love that is exclusively romantic (our first mistake is imagining that any love can be exclusively romantic)...and romantic love itself IS very tied in with sexuality, and we let sexual love and romantic love become confused with an active sex drive, and bam. Sin entering the world isn't as much about wrong actions entering the world, it's about distortion entering the world, our clarity becoming lost. when our view of romantic love becomes distorted, then our view of Love is distorted...and we view a separation from a sexual and/or romantic relationship as a separation from Love, and thus create our own "hell." thus, our Search is not what we think it is. true...in a romantic relationship, Love can be realized, and a romantic relationship can be the gateway to the path to Love--but it is not the doorway. thus, to summarize once again, our Search is humanity seeking to regain itself, its own nature, to be that which it was created to be, to be relational and intimate in the way that God is.
as so much of what he writes does, it made me think. and, now, comment. You'll probably want to read his first--what i'll say probably won't make much sense, but will make a bit more if you read his first.
The whole self-preservation thing makes a ton of sense to me, at least in my mind. However, if attempting to find a mate were mostly a matter of self-preservation (in a larger sense), then at least for me, it certainly isn't on an immediate level. i've been through more sh*t that brought me much closer to my deathbed as a result of that Search than anything else in my life by a long shot. perhaps part of the reason, then, that i'm not Searching at this point in my life is pure self-preservation instinct saying "listen, buddy, it's better to live to 70 and have no family to remember you than die before 30 trying."
so, then, why do we Search? and why do i keep using a capital "S"? both of these are tough questions and the second one may never be answered.
Incidentally, for an interesting take on all this, check out the part in Hedwig and the Angry Inch about the "Origin of Love." wonderful animated sequence, very interesting song. i know i'd heard that "theory" before as part of an ancient culture, but that's a pretty unique take and visual of it.
On a very base level, we do have a sex drive. there's no denying it, there's no (comfortable) way around it. it's there, it's lurking. even at the stage where i'm at, 25 and not particularly looking for anyone, that damn sex drive won't go away. even what self-preservation instincts i do have must battle like crazy because some days, given the opportunity, i'd mess my life up to appease the big Drive. every time i become interested in a woman, it's someone who is very creative and artistic, someone very intelligent, someone i could have wonderful discussions with. yet that sex drive doesn't care what she listens to, what she reads, what she quotes, or any of that. all that to say that no, it won't go away and whatever else interests us in a person, the pants still want to come off.
the Search, however, thank God, has a lot more to it. We were not meant to be creatures controlled by our sex drive. we were not meant to merely mate, reproduce, and then go find someone else with whom to repeat the cycle. the family, both in the immediate "father, mother, children" sense and in the more communal sense, have been with us since day 1.
what i believe is the key driving force in The Search has to do with how God created us. God created us in His image and likeness. Humanity was made with a certain amount of potential to become like God--in what we can do with our minds, in our relationships, in how our bodies operate, etc. Of course, the Fall came along and screwed that all up, and in a broader sense, spirituality is about regaining that lost humanity we were created to fulfill. We are told that "God is Love" and we can see the lengths to which His love drove him. This isn't just a romantic love, though romance certainly is an element (see Song of Solomon, of course). This love is a relational love, a love that is intimate, sharing, trusting, and fulfills us as we fulfill those we love. This is the love that all of humanity was to have--to be human would be to have this love. we are still meant to have this love, we were made with the potential for it. love is meant to be experienced sensually (meaning through the senses) in addition to emotionally, intellectually, etc., and certainly sexuality is a part of that love, but certainly not always. anyway, this Search so many of us are on...it is a search to fulfill our true humanity. if God is Love, and separation from God is hell...well, we're mostly western here, we can do the logic. where we get confused is that we equate the Love we are seeking with a love that is exclusively romantic (our first mistake is imagining that any love can be exclusively romantic)...and romantic love itself IS very tied in with sexuality, and we let sexual love and romantic love become confused with an active sex drive, and bam. Sin entering the world isn't as much about wrong actions entering the world, it's about distortion entering the world, our clarity becoming lost. when our view of romantic love becomes distorted, then our view of Love is distorted...and we view a separation from a sexual and/or romantic relationship as a separation from Love, and thus create our own "hell." thus, our Search is not what we think it is. true...in a romantic relationship, Love can be realized, and a romantic relationship can be the gateway to the path to Love--but it is not the doorway. thus, to summarize once again, our Search is humanity seeking to regain itself, its own nature, to be that which it was created to be, to be relational and intimate in the way that God is.
posted by Joel @ 7/19/2002 09:57:00 AM
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